I think I was initiated into a secret running club without even knowing about it.
I went for my run yesterday because it was the first day in ages that it wasn’t 100-and-Firelands degrees two minutes after sunrise. Actually, it was pretty nice at 8 am or so. A little on the humid side, but it felt good. In comparison, I saw several people on walks/runs last night around 11:30 pm because it was FINALLY cool enough to do it. (Yes, my area is safe enough where people were out and about at that hour for exercise.)
My run ended up something like this: little over a half mile walk to warm up/get to the main trail, ran a full mile (YAY!), felt shin splints trying to develop, so I walked about 3/4 of a mile to just around the killer hill in the neighborhood beside the trail, turned around and walked the 3/4 mile back, ran ANOTHER full mile (YAY AGAIN!), then walked about 3/4 mile home.
So I’ve proven to myself that in a single ~4.5 mile workout, I can run one mile without stopping TWICE. Next is a matter of connecting the dots, with less of a break in between, and getting in that third mile of running. (Normally I would have jogged a bit during the 1.5 mile walk in between the two running miles, but again…shin splints.)
Which leads me back to the initial point of this post.
I want to say it was because the weather was finally nice for a run, but everyone on the trail was even MORE friendly than usual. I didn’t think this was possible! But EVERY person I walked past during my warm-up said hi or good morning or at least afforded a friendly smile. Usually I smile and go, “PUPPIES!” if they’re walking dogs (which usually earns me a smile in return) but I don’t think I’ve seen it from EVERYONE.
Then I got to the main trail. Stretched for a minute, then kicked it up to a run. That’s when it happened.
The first jogger coming toward me waved. He waved at me. I know it was at me, because he didn’t wave at the walker in front of me, and there was no one behind me. I smiled and waved back, had a surge of happy energy, and kept going.
Then it happened again with another runner.
And then another.
Walkers were still smiling and friendly, but they didn’t do the wave. It was odd.
And then when I was on my way back, jogging the second mile after my walking portion, I passed by the first jogger as he was heading back to *his* starting point. He waved again. Same wave, too.
It felt like I was being taught the secret handshake of runners.
I’ve said before that I’ve been feeling welcomed into this world that other runners live in, even though half of my workouts are not yet up to speed.
I’m having a hard time grasping this. I don’t think of myself as a runner yet. Yes, I run for 2 miles every time I go out on the trails, but I’m mostly walking still. So if only 45% of my workout is actually running, how am I a runner?
And yet, the challenge is to think positively on my goals. I WILL get there. I WILL run a straight 5K. I may not be able to do it now but I’m working on it. I’m running, therefore I’m a runner. I have a feeling that once the scale tips so more of my workout is spent running than it is walking, THAT’S when I’ll promote myself to “runner.”
But even still, there are other people—strangers—who are recognizing what I’m doing. And for that, they’re giving me the “Hi, One Of Us! Keep going!” wave.
Gotta say, it’s pretty damn cool!
June was a crazy month. Not crazy in a bad way, but still crazy.
The beginning of the month started pretty normal. Diet, exercise. Stayed on schedule with both.
Then came vacation. There was a little travel bloating (sodium, eating at restaurants, not drinking enough water, not getting to exercise like normal) but weight-wise not much changed. I managed to get in some exercise days DURING vacation, though. That felt pretty good!
After vacation was my birthday. For all the weight I didn’t gain on vacation, I seemed to put it on over the course of a few days around my birthday. It came back off just as quickly, but those two days at a peak weight were not fun on the ego.
On the plus side, those days DID aid my motivation.
I also started seriously running. While I can’t run for miles and miles without stopping, I was doing intervals that added up to at least 2 miles in each run. Usually that came out to about half of the session. I couldn’t do that before. I was especially proud of the day I ran a mile without stopping. I hadn’t been able to do that since high school!
The running seems to have sparked some more weight loss, too! I’ve noticed since I’ve been able to run regularly that my weight has also begun to drop at a slow, but regular pace. My previous workout schedule was mostly strength training with walking as my cardio. I’ve been doing slightly less intense strength right now and working on turning my walks to runs. I think I just needed to find the right balance. The scale says weight is dropping. I can tell my calves, especially, are looking thinner. The sad part is that they were always pretty decent. I wish more would melt off my inner thighs. The only DOWN side to running is that I’m discovering the horrors of chafing!
I have also been working on eating more this month. Yep, furnace was lit, and suddenly I’m burning more fat, too. Of course, I’m still focusing on healthy foods, but I’m trying to relax a bit. I wanted to stop mentally stressing myself out over food, but still be careful about it. Between vacation and forcing myself to relax, I think it’s helped a lot.
Since the day after my birthday, I’ve dropped 3 pounds. The majority of the month was a plateau, but it’s still the least I’ve weighed since I really started focusing on getting in shape again. (I’m also 5 pounds down from the post-birthday-bash peak…a lot of that was probably water weight and “food mass” in my stomach, but it’s still nice to lose that and more!)
So what’s in store for July?
First and foremost is that I have a job interview the second week of July. I won’t say that I’m guaranteed the position, but I think I have a really good chance. A lot of July will be planned around whether or not I get this position.
I still would like to join a gym. We’re having this heat wave this weekend, making it virtually impossible to run. I could go running, but I don’t want to risk my health. Originally I said I wanted to join a gym for access to heavier weights and machines. Now I ALSO want to be able to use the cardio equipment on days like this entire weekend when running outdoors is just unsafe. Joining a gym, and which one, is dependent on whether or not I get the job.
I have a goal of getting past this plateau and back into the 160’s again. I would like to hit 165 by the end of July. That’s about a pound a week. I won’t be disappointed if I’m lower than that! The shorts I bought just before my trip are already beginning to feel a bit loose. I would like them to be unwearable (too big) by the time autumn hits and I switch back to jeans. Although right now I’m practically living in workout clothes…I try to sleep in them so when I get up in the morning I have less preparation to do a workout. It’s harder to say no when all I really need to do is put on a sports bra, socks, and shoes!
But you know, even if I don’t reach my weight goal, I’m setting a schedule for myself to stick to. I made a calendar and everything! So even if my body doesn’t want to cooperate as far as the scale is concerned, I’m going to try to hit those non-scale victories and be able to point at what I’ve accomplished.
Tomorrow is picture day. I may or may not post them. But if things continue as they are right now, hopefully I’ll have even more to show at the end of the month!
The title of this post is a little misleading, as it hasn’t exactly been one month. But it’s close enough. I took pictures on Thursday, May 3, 2012, and then started my diet and exercise schedule on Sunday, May 6, 2012. Or you could be even more technical and say I started on Monday, May 7, as Sunday is my “cheat” day. On May 6 I did a walk workout, but as far as food was concerned I ate like it was “Dimanche Gras.”
However, it’s been 4 straight weeks of workouts and trying to eat better. I still need to work on the eating better, but I have made clear progress even if the scale hasn’t been so kind.
I haven’t missed a workout, and have felt an increase in stamina and strength. I really need to get some new weights or plates because for many of my exercises I have maxed out the weight on my barbell/dumbbells, and those exercises have become too easy. As I mentioned in my last post, my walks are getting longer in distance, shorter in time, and I’m adding more periods of jogging into the walks. I’m going to shake up my workouts a bit soon, although I’m going to keep the same schedule. I don’t want my body to get into “muscle memory” territory…although it HAS been nice to have finally mastered some of the moves I was doing. Especially the ones involving the stability ball. Yeah, those moves know what they are. I showed you!
Not gonna lie, I’m bummed about the scale not showing my progress too. This coming month I’m going to focus more on diet since I pretty much have the exercise handled. I’m pretty sure my main issue is still not eating enough throughout the day. I also forget to track (oops!) and when I do I discover at the end of the day that I’m missing x-number of calories, so I tend to cram those in as a post-dinner meal. But that also affects my sleep, and that just doesn’t make me feel good. So goal for June: GO BACK TO TRACKING EVERYTHING EVERYDAY TO MAKE SURE I’M EATING RIGHT.
But overall, I’m proud of what I HAVE accomplished. I debated posting these pictures, and finally decided to go for it. I’m not entirely happy with them…it’s not where I expected to be. But the progress is obvious, which keeps me motivated to keep pushing forward. (Pics under the cut to save your eyes and stomachs. XD)
I’m still not quite up to running yet. I’m mostly doing walks with a little jogging mixed in, usually for the last 400 meters of a 4 mile walk. (And then I do approximately half a mile more for a cooldown walk.)
But there is improvement! I’m adding more distance with little change to the time that I’m out there, and my average pace is steadily going down.
Here are most of my walks/runs from the month of May, as pulled from the Nike Running logs:
5/6 2.87 mi 14’20″/mi — I actually did one long walk/run for this day, but accidentally stopped my iPod’s run counter in the middle of the run when I tried to adjust where it was on my shorts. So this is only half of 2 runs. It’s the faster half, of course. Most of it was jogging. And as you can see from the next few runs, I had major DOMS going on after this. =P
5/8 4.03 mi 16’52″/mi – I remember going slower because I was sore from the day before. Oops!
5/9 1.42 mi 16’37″/mi – This was just a short walk to walk off the DOMS.
5/10 4.16 mi 16’45″/mi — Still sore from DOMS. Just a walk.
5/15 4.18 mi 15’26″/mi — Feeling better. Faster walk. I believe I jogged the last 400m.
5/18 4.21 mi 16’33″/mi – Walk, I think I jogged the last 400m.
5/21 4.36 mi 15’54″/mi – Walk, and again, I jogged the last 400m. Notice my time was getting better.
5/22 4.56 mi 15’09″/mi – I remember this was ONLY a walk. There was an oncoming thunderstorm which pushed my speed, but I didn’t jog at all.
5/24 4.31 mi 15’55″/mi – Walk only. Halfway through (2+ miles away from home) my stomach decided to be upset. It slowed me down. The first half was about 15’/mi, second half was about 16’30”/mi.
5/29 4.61 mi 15’02″/mi — Walk with jogging the last 400m. I remember starting off slow and sluggish, but once I got moving I began to feel amazing.
5/31 4.63 mi 14’51″/mi — Walk with jogging most of the last mile (.97 mi-.5 mi, .33mi-end). The last .63 mi was a cooldown.
It’s funny to feel the improvement, but even nicer to see each run and how I did. I’m glad I’ve been tracking this online (on Nike’s website) because it helps show me there has been improvement.
Right now I’m still mostly walking and slowly working my way into running, but already I’m walking faster during my cooldowns than I used to walk at my top pace when I first got started.
My goal is to sign up for a 5k race next spring. I may be slowly working my way toward actually running that 5k, but I’m getting there!
I’m going to indulge my roommate’s recent fandom obsession by admitting I am the Tony Stark to her Bruce Banner, science bromance and all.
And as I got ready for my workout the other day, I realized how true it is.
Tony Stark has a fancy-schmancy bracelet?
So do I.
He’s got an Arc Reactor?
Guess what I call my heart rate monitor transmitter, and guess where it goes?
He’s got multiple suits of armor that he built himself?
Well, I’m kinda working on mine. It’s the Mark 34. Definitely a work in progress. But it will be better, stronger, and faster than the Mark 33, I guarantee you that!
So this is not exactly an informative post, but hey, it makes me giggle. And it gives me another perspective to think about my workout when I’m dragging my feet on getting it done.
It is 10:38 pm according to the clock on my computer. I JUST finished my workout.
I didn’t want to do it today. It was the holiday weekend. I was tired. I didn’t feel in top form all day. I wasn’t sick but didn’t exactly feel well. I didn’t feel like myself.
I wanted another day off. I wanted a lazy day. It doesn’t feel like a holiday when you push yourself to do the things you HAVE to do when what you WANT to do is laze around with a cold and tasty adult beverage in hand.
I knew the consequences of taking another day off. I would be mad at myself and feel guilty, but I could get over that. Otherwise? Who would know? Who would care? It matters to no one else whether or not I take a day off.
My old self would have given in.
But I had this ad running through my head as I forced myself to put on my workout clothes and tie my shoes:
It brings tears to my eyes every time. I see myself in that ad.
I’ve mentioned before, the phoenix is a very important personal symbol to me. Isn’t that what all this is about? Shedding our old selves and coming back a little wiser, a little stronger, a little changed for the better every time?
It’s now almost 11 pm. I just logged my minutes and calories on my SparkPeople tracker, making sure I got it in for the day.
It might have taken me all day to get my workout in, but at least I can go to sleep tonight without having that lingering feeling of guilt or anger at myself for not doing it.
I don’t like the old me. It can stay behind if it wants to. I’m gonna keep going.
Three months ago yesterday I moved out of my ex’s apartment and into my house. It’s weird…some days it feels like it’s been forever, and other days it felt like it was just yesterday. I’m pretty sure he’s felt the same too, as he was saying it had been three months six weeks ago.
I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD over the losses I had back in 2008/2009. Avoidance of things I needed to take care of…like the house? Flashbacks, like being unable to take care of others when they were sick? Nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, depression? I seriously had it all, and just didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t get the help I needed then, and it became too much.
I was letting the fears get the best of me. Yes, PTSD explains why, but I hate admitting letting something like fear keep me from a positive future.
When our relationship fell apart last year, I didn’t have much to hold onto to get me through it. He said he was sorry for cheating and wanted to try to work things out, and I believed him. I said that working things out meant he had to stop the cheating. He promised he would. So I said I was going to move, but was taking my time because I thought he really wanted me to stay.
I still had a lot of fears regarding facing the house. And the thought being on my own after living with a person for nearly a decade was also scary. Those fears kept me from doing what I needed to do. I convinced myself that things would be all right as they were. That time would handle everything. I didn’t push myself to move.
I let the fears win.
Then I caught him at it again earlier this year. He doesn’t know how much I know. He thought he could lie and say he stopped, but I knew everything. I know what he’s said and done. I know the things he’s called me. He was done with the relationship long before I broke up with him. So much for wanting to work things out….
It all finally hit me. It was the proverbial rock and a hard place. I was letting the fear of moving keep me in a bad living situation. It was the fear of the unknown, being alone, that held me in an uncomfortable but familiar “relationship.” I realized I had a choice: Remain in a situation where I was unwanted, miserable, being used, and not getting the support I needed…or face those fears and give the unknown a shot at being good. It wasn’t a hard decision at that point.
FUCK FEAR, MAN.
I’m not saying that the past three months have been all sunshine and rainbows. I’ve had several days where the depression wanted to bring me down again. But I’ve gained SO MUCH by facing those fears.
Suddenly, I felt free.
I’ve taken to calling February 24th “Emancipation Day.” Sure, it was the day I moved out, but that means it was also the day I freed myself from my fears. Sure, they still linger and threaten to take over from time to time, but then I remember what I gained by facing them, fighting back, and defeating them.
I have a great house. I have a great new roommate. I am getting my health back, both physical and mental. I have friends…loads of friends! Friends who suddenly stepped up out of Acquaintanceville or who came back, rekindling friendships we had before. Friends who are interested in me as a person, not what they can get out of me. Heck, friends who are interested in more than just friendship, but kept their distance in respect for my previous relationship. Now they don’t have to.
I have so much support and love coming from all directions that it’s overwhelming sometimes. I have so much support and love to give, and it feels good to give back.
I’ve gained so much confidence again. I’ve been coming out of that dark place. I’m remembering who I am.
I am happy.
Sometimes I wish I had faced those fears sooner, but I think it happened at the right time. Would my relationship have survived? Maybe. But looking back at everything, would I really want to be in that relationship anymore? Not really. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about him, and it’s better this way.
But most importantly, I am free to be me again. I have learned how far down I can slip when I let my fears rule me. I have learned I have the strength to overcome them myself. And now? Now I have new goals and know I can attain them.
Come back here next February 24th. You will see a VERY changed person.
And I challenge you to do the same. What do you need to free yourself from? What fears hold you back from being the best YOU that you can be?
Face them. Break them. Find your freedom. It’s the most amazing feeling.
You know damn well that weight loss comes from causing a deficit of calories. You want to burn more than you eat. It’s simple math.
But never EVER forget again that there’s such a thing as creating TOO BIG of a deficit, which will impede your weight loss goals. You want your body to burn fat, not burn the muscle you’re working SO HARD to build. You know those big solid lumps in your arms? Those are your BICEPS and TRICEPS. You got complimented on them today. DON’T LOSE THEM BECAUSE YOUR BODY IS PANICKING THAT IT’S NOT GETTING THE CALORIES IT NEEDS! Seriously, don’t be afraid of eating a little more!
I know you don’t like to eat breakfast, but GUUUUURL you GOTTA do it! And you’ve found several recipes and ways to mix things up that you won’t get bored, remember? No one says you HAVE to eat “breakfast foods.” Eat one of those little steaks for breakfast. Cook up a chicken breast. Have some salmon. IT’S OKAY. Save the eggs for a salad if you want. Just make sure you are eating enough.
Also: Veggies. Veggies are yummy. Veggies are full of water. You feel cooled off when you eat your veggies. SO EAT THEM. (Doing great on the fruit, though! Awesome idea to start freezing grapes again!)
Speaking of water, good for you on keeping up with that. Just push it a little more. You’re almost back to 3 liters a day. Your skin is looking better. One to two more glasses. YOU CAN DO IT!
You’re kicking ass on the exercise. The entire reason I’m writing to you, Aili, is because you may be kicking a little TOO MUCH ass right now. The amount of ass you’re kicking is fine if you make sure you’re eating enough. So start tracking that food RELIGIOUSLY. Then go kick more ass! KICK ALL THE ASS!
So yeah, eat a little more, track it, drink more water, and keep kicking all the ass!
Your bestest friend,
PS – Don’t let the scale tell you that you suck. It’s a stubborn bastard and a total jerk. Now your clothes…they’re telling you that you’re awesome. Seriously, you look HOT in that tank top.
Time and time again you hear about people saying they can’t work out in public (gym, walking/running, playing sports, etc.) because they’re not fit enough yet. They feel like people will silently judge them, or snicker in the corner about the “fat ass” who is sweating on the treadmill.
Sure, there are a few of those types. But from what I’ve heard from most of the gym rats, the worst of the criticism is in your own head. When you are noticed, people might want to help you with your form, or are seeing the progress you’re making. To quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t!” So relax, you’re probably surrounded by some of the happiest people on earth! (As long as you don’t stand between them and their post-workout meal.)
But yes, you probably are noticed. You want to know my thoughts when I pass people on the trail during my runs?
The following are some actual thoughts I have had…I kid you not…
“They’re walking on their lunch break. Good for them!”
“I think I just passed by the Old Spice Guy! Or at least his twin brother!UNF!”
“Where did she get those cute shorts? Would my ass look that good in them?”
“I’m a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie wooor…OH FUCK, WAS I SINGING OUT LOUD?!”
“I wish I had a walking/running partner like that!”
“Damn, they look good!”
“I wonder what she’s listening to?”
“Aww, look at the kids! Oh wait, one’s whining. Ovaries have just shut down again.”
“My backpack’s got jets! I’m Boba the Fett! I bounty hunt for…FUCK, I PROBABLY LOOK LIKE I’M TALKING TO MYSELF!”
“Haha! My WoW shirt got noticed! For the Horde, bro!”
“Water…water!” *a minute later* “Oil…oil! Room service! Room service!”
“They think I look like I’m about to pass out, don’t they? DAMN MY FAIR AND RED-TONED SKIN!”
“Ooh, it’s that lady with the beastly abs that I saw the first day I took a walk here! YOU GO, BEASTLY ABS LADY!”
“I wish I had thought of that. Tomorrow: French braid!”
“Where did she get that cool water bottle?!”
Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Now you might be thinking that I didn’t post any of my negative thoughts or criticisms on here. I know I’ve passed by people who were more overweight or out of shape than I am. Honestly, I’m usually thinking good thoughts toward them, and am proud that they’re out there getting it done. Most of my negative thoughts are toward myself. I think that I don’t look as good, or I’m aware that my butt jiggles when I run, or I know my face is tomato-red.
And then I pass by a stranger and we do the smile-and-nod thing at each other. Suddenly I feel accepted, despite all my flaws.
Give it a shot and get out there anyway. It’s true that most of your worries are in your head. I guarantee you there are plenty people who see YOU as they pass or drive by and think, “Man, I wish I could do that!”