I have considered on several occasions to take this recipe down. I invented it for my (now ex-) fiance who is a Brony. Except he became so obsessed with Pony roleplay on Twitter that he began cheating on me a few months after I made these for him.
Last year I began this blog when I finally realized that no one was going to help pull me out of my depression (brought on by the rapid succession of deaths of my father and grandfather, loss of my dream job, and familial problems). No, not even my fiance was willing to help. He wanted it to just go away. He told me my depression was “bullshit” and I should “just get over it.” So I tried. Alone.
I made all the meals for about 8 months, tried encouraging him to exercise because he said he didn’t want to get married until he lost weight, bought him high-expense items like an iPad, iPod, netbook, and Nintendo DS XL, I paid for trips to Blizzcon, even paid for car repairs and a year worth of his car insurance. And I often made treats like these cupcakes.
His response? Despite the fact that I made filet mignon and grilled salmon and other healthy, tasty meals, he told me that he wanted Chick-Fil-A because he wanted “real food.” He screamed at me that “exercise sucks and people who like exercise are stupid.” He made promises to reciprocate but never followed through. Because he USED to cook for me, and because he paid the rent, that apparently should have been good enough. He never showed interest in getting married. According to him, *I* was witholding affection (because I wasn’t ALSO spreading my legs for him like his Pony roleplay friends were willing to do), and *I* was “such a downer” that I guess to him it justifies the cheating. He has never accepted any responsibility for the break-up, and has laid the blame completely at my feet.
I made these cupcakes for my ex to show I cared for him and his interests. I cooked his meals and tried to encourage him to get healthy because I wanted to marry him. Depression killed my sex drive, but I had no energy left for it anyway when I was getting nothing in return. And apparently he found that enough reason to cheat, but didn’t even have the balls to break up with me. Why would he when he didn’t want to give up his personal chef/ATM? Or to put it in Pony terms: Why buy the apple tree when you get the apples for free?
Please understand: I don’t blame MLP:FiM, I don’t blame Bronies, and I know there are good Bronies out there. I grew up collecting Ponies (I still have my G1 ponies) and I think the show has good messages. Well, here’s the message of this story:
Don’t be like my ex. If you know someone or live with someone who is suffering depression, please take the messages of the show to heart. Educate yourself on ways to deal with depression. Try to understand it, but don’t lecture them on what they “should or should not be feeling.” You’re not in their shoes. Talk to the person. Work with them. Show them love and support. They’re not trying to make YOUR life difficult…in fact, it’s not about YOU. You can tell a depressed person that you love and care for them, but if they don’t believe it it’s usually because they can’t find anything about themselves to love. “How could you or anyone love and care for me if I can’t love myself?” is what goes through a depressed person’s mind. SHOW them you love them, and show them what they have to love about themselves. And KEEP showing them because they need to hear it.
As I mentioned, originally I thought about removing this recipe. That that didn’t feel right.
I came up with this recipe to show love, so I want people to continue making these cupcakes. I want you to make them with love in your hearts, and when you serve them to loved ones I hope they know what care went into making them.
And now back to the original post… Read the rest of this entry