Day 96 – Seeing change
(Aili’s note: This was last night’s post, but as I was about to post it our internet went down. So you get it today, and you’ll get today’s post later tonight.)
Thankfully the cramps were not the result of over-working myself via exercise. Just a matter of minor menstrual cramps in my back. Not fun, but didn’t hinder me too bad. I still got in my workout today, and that felt good. If there’s one thing that having a physical pain can do to you, it can help you realize how good it feels to get through it.
When I was looking in the mirror today, I couldn’t help but think of some friends that I see twice a year. They’re in their 60’s, but spry as ever. We go down to the Charlotte Ren Faire in the fall to see them, and they come up in the spring to visit us. I just started getting back in shape–literally, the day before they visited–when they came up this year. I will probably see them again in November. I don’t know what I will weigh at that point, or what size I will be wearing, but I think they’ll be pleasantly surprised. The wife is a Weight Watchers leader, and the husband is really tall and rail thin. While they have never been scornful of when I’ve put on or lost weight, they definitely notice. Well, this fall I can’t wait for them to notice the positive change.
For that matter, I can’t wait to reach my goal and see people I haven’t seen in a while. I’ve been through hell, got myself into a deep hole of pain and depression to the point where I could barely even get out of bed some days, and I’ve been slowly clawing my way back out. Being happy–and being happy with MYSELF– is worth fighting for. There were days I didn’t believe that, but I’m seeing that now. Thing is, I know people would have wanted to help. And I appreciate that. But if I am not in the right mind frame to help myself, then no amount of effort from others will help.
I’m finally in the right place mentally and emotionally, and I am slowly but surely adding physically to that list.