Monthly Archives: July 2011

Day 99 – Weigh-in #14

Weekly Weigh InOkay, first of all, I saw I got off in my day count. Yesterday’s post (that I forgot to do) should have been 98, and the day before (the one I posted yesterday morning since my internet failed on me the night before) should have been 97, and so on. So I think I have my numbers caught up. Yay!

Weigh-in day. Fun. I’ve been going through a strangely heavier period than I’m used to (my periods are usually light to non-existent thanks to my IUD), but these do happen on occasion. It’s just that the damn cycle just didn’t want to end. I’ll think I’m in the last days of it, and then it’ll get heavier again.

It was causing a plateau last week, but as I mentioned, it seems to be ending. And suddenly the water weight I was retaining fell off.

The results? I’m half a pound shy of being 20 pounds down from where I started!

So what does it look like to spend almost 100 days focused on your health, getting in shape, and losing weight? (Picspam under the cut–don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Read the rest of this entry

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Day 96 – Seeing change

Yes I've Changed

(Aili’s note: This was last night’s post, but as I was about to post it our internet went down. So you get it today, and you’ll get today’s post later tonight.)

Thankfully the cramps were not the result of over-working myself via exercise. Just a matter of minor menstrual cramps in my back. Not fun, but didn’t hinder me too bad. I still got in my workout today, and that felt good. If there’s one thing that having a physical pain can do to you, it can help you realize how good it feels to get through it.

When I was looking in the mirror today, I couldn’t help but think of some friends that I see twice a year. They’re in their 60’s, but spry as ever. We go down to the Charlotte Ren Faire in the fall to see them, and they come up in the spring to visit us. I just started getting back in shape–literally, the day before they visited–when they came up this year. I will probably see them again in November. I don’t know what I will weigh at that point, or what size I will be wearing, but I think they’ll be pleasantly surprised. The wife is a Weight Watchers leader, and the husband is really tall and rail thin. While they have never been scornful of when I’ve put on or lost weight, they definitely notice. Well, this fall I can’t wait for them to notice the positive change.

For that matter, I can’t wait to reach my goal and see people I haven’t seen in a while. I’ve been through hell, got myself into a deep hole of pain and depression to the point where I could barely even get out of bed some days, and I’ve been slowly clawing my way back out. Being happy–and being happy with MYSELF– is worth fighting for. There were days I didn’t believe that, but I’m seeing that now. Thing is, I know people would have wanted to help. And I appreciate that. But if I am not in the right mind frame to help myself, then no amount of effort from others will help.

I’m finally in the right place mentally and emotionally, and I am slowly but surely adding physically to that list.

Day 95 – July With Jillian, Day 1 (Take 2)

Count The MostYep, so I started the 30-Day Shred workout again. Glad to see that I didn’t “lose it” during my break, although I was huffing and puffing more than I expected. I can feel it in my triceps from the push-ups, I think. The hardest part is figuring out exactly which weights to use for each exercise again. It “hurt,” but in that good way. Looking forward to actually going through the entire thing this time.

The cupcakes are gone! No more temptation! Well, except for the pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer. >.>

I need to figure out some more tasty things for dinner. I went to the store today and got some staples (lean ground beef, chicken breasts, etc.) but I should have looked at recipes for things to do with them. I do have one recipe I want to try, but of course I forgot the other ingredients I’d need to make them.

But most importantly, I DID get more salad and some avocados. My favorite summertime salad is spinach, strawberries, avocado, and mandarin oranges. I don’t even need salad dressing! Sometimes I add some cheese crumbles (I prefer goat cheese), but in any case it’s a salad I don’t feel I have to choke down even when I’m feeling “saladed out.”

Two things I want to focus on this week: More water, and better sleep.

Day 94 – This is my dream

This Is Your DreamJust wanted to post and reassess what I’m doing. I figure that if I’m starting “July with Jillian (Take Two)” tomorrow, now is a good time to remind myself what is going on here.

My goals on my Rewards page are not why I’m doing this. Yes, doing things like getting my ears pierced, buying a new bikini, and ultimately getting a tattoo are like tasty carrots dangling from the end of sticks, but they’re not why I’m doing this.

I’m doing this because I need to get back in shape, and because I WANT to get back in shape. I WANT this. And I have finally gotten to the point where I’ll do anything (healthy!) to get it!

I’m tired of looking at the accomplishments of others and thinking, “I wish I could have/do that.” I KNOW I can. There’s nothing stopping me but myself.

Right now I’m pushing myself to my next goal. Just a couple of pounds, and I’ll have lost 20 since I started. It boggles my mind to realize that I’m about 10 pounds lower than when I went to Blizzcon last year. Sure, I still have a ways to go, but as long as I keep focused I WILL get there.

This doesn’t have to remain a dream. This can–and WILL–become a reality. But I won’t let ANYONE, even myself, take it away from me.

Day 93 – Oh, silly body

Scarlet OnslaughtI wasn’t expecting it, but should have been. I’m battling the Scarlet Onslaught again. Well, at least that explains the fatigue and crankiness this past week. At least it was fairly mild, but it still happened.

But considering I DID lose weight this week, I’m hopeful that this means I’ll also shed a little extra from the PMS retention.

I made shish-kabobs tonight that were really good. They were supposed to be dinner last night, but the trip to the piercer put that on hold. At least I got the chance to get some more teriyaki to marinate them. They consisted of a really nice steak, cut up into pieces (they ended up SO tender!), pineapple, green peppers, and pearl onions. I found a sesame-ginger teriyaki for the marinade, though I barely tasted it.

Tomorrow is going to be steaks and a salad, I believe. I have fresh strawberries for the salad, though I forgot to pick up an avocado.

Unfortunately, my sleep schedule is getting out of whack, so I need to reset that somehow. I can GO to bed, but sleeping is another matter. And I really don’t want to have to go back on sleep meds because they leave me feeling horrible when I am awake. I’m almost tempted to pull an all-nighter.

Almost.

Day 92 – Holy blog hits, Batman!

Holy Traffic BatmanJust to get back on track with blogging here, I have a completely non-diet related post.

1) I love Ponies. I love Bronies. ^_^ I swear, I knew NOTHING of “Cupcakes” before I did my baking yesterday.

2) No ponies were harmed in the making of said cupcakes.

3) Previously, I got most of my hits from people searching for the term “Cankles.”

4) That still doesn’t beat my WoW blog that got most of its hits from people searching for… HA! I’M NOT GONNA SAY IT AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! But I’ll give a hint: Frisky Unicorns Take Action. If you don’t get it, it’s a good thing.

5) Went to the piercer today…they didn’t have enough jewelry for what I want (3 cartilage piercings in each ear, so 6 total), but since we’re making a special order he let me pick from a larger selection of stones. Can we say FIRE OPALS, everyone? WOOT! ^_^

Ummm…think that’s it for now. I need to go to bed earlyish tonight for a change.

Brony Tested, Brony Approved: Apple Pie SURPRISE! Cupcakes

Apple Pie SURPRISE! Cupcakes

I have considered on several occasions to take this recipe down. I invented it for my (now ex-) fiance who is a Brony. Except he became so obsessed with Pony roleplay on Twitter that he began cheating on me a few months after I made these for him.

Last year I began this blog when I finally realized that no one was going to help pull me out of my depression (brought on by the rapid succession of deaths of my father and grandfather, loss of my dream job, and familial problems). No, not even my fiance was willing to help. He wanted it to just go away. He told me my depression was “bullshit” and I should “just get over it.” So I tried. Alone.

I made all the meals for about 8 months, tried encouraging him to exercise because he said he didn’t want to get married until he lost weight, bought him high-expense items like an iPad, iPod, netbook, and Nintendo DS XL, I paid for trips to Blizzcon, even paid for car repairs and a year worth of his car insurance. And I often made treats like these cupcakes.

His response? Despite the fact that I made filet mignon and grilled salmon and other healthy, tasty meals, he told me that he wanted Chick-Fil-A because he wanted “real food.” He screamed at me that “exercise sucks and people who like exercise are stupid.” He made promises to reciprocate but never followed through. Because he USED to cook for me, and because he paid the rent, that apparently should have been good enough. He never showed interest in getting married. According to him, *I* was witholding affection (because I wasn’t ALSO spreading my legs for him like his Pony roleplay friends were willing to do), and *I* was “such a downer” that I guess to him it justifies the cheating. He has never accepted any responsibility for the break-up, and has laid the blame completely at my feet.

I made these cupcakes for my ex to show I cared for him and his interests. I cooked his meals and tried to encourage him to get healthy because I wanted to marry him. Depression killed my sex drive, but I had no energy left for it anyway when I was getting nothing in return. And apparently he found that enough reason to cheat, but didn’t even have the balls to break up with me. Why would he when he didn’t want to give up his personal chef/ATM? Or to put it in Pony terms: Why buy the apple tree when you get the apples for free?

Please understand: I don’t blame MLP:FiM, I don’t blame Bronies, and I know there are good Bronies out there. I grew up collecting Ponies (I still have my G1 ponies) and I think the show has good messages. Well, here’s the message of this story:

Don’t be like my ex. If you know someone or live with someone who is suffering depression, please take the messages of the show to heart. Educate yourself on ways to deal with depression. Try to understand it, but don’t lecture them on what they “should or should not be feeling.” You’re not in their shoes. Talk to the person. Work with them. Show them love and support. They’re not trying to make YOUR life difficult…in fact, it’s not about YOU. You can tell a depressed person that you love and care for them, but if they don’t believe it it’s usually because they can’t find anything about themselves to love. “How could you or anyone love and care for me if I can’t love myself?” is what goes through a depressed person’s mind. SHOW them you love them, and show them what they have to love about themselves. And KEEP showing them because they need to hear it.

As I mentioned, originally I thought about removing this recipe. That that didn’t feel right.

I came up with this recipe to show love, so I want people to continue making these cupcakes. I want you to make them with love in your hearts, and when you serve them to loved ones I hope they know what care went into making them.

And now back to the original post… Read the rest of this entry

Day 91 – Weigh-in #13

Weekly Weigh InOkay, catching back up. I’m still up, so although WordPress will tell me that I missed yesterday’s post, but what does it know? XD

Even with taking an exercise break, I managed to get my weight loss back on track. And I mean, REALLY back on track.

Can we say, “Where’s the nearest piercer”? ^_^

Yep! I made that 170 milestone!

Though I’m thinking that instead of getting my lobes pierced again, instead I want to go ahead and get some cartilage piercings so they’re healed by the time I go to Blizzcon. And instead of just doing a helix piercing, well, I want something like this (in both ears) since that’s what the majority of my Blood Elf girlies have as their earring choice. Colors? Red and gold, of course! Maybe red and black. Blood Knight/Horde pride!

Well, I feel much better now that I’m seeing some weight loss again. And I’m monitoring my scale, since it measures muscle and body fat percentage, to make sure that it’s not muscle mass that I’m losing. I’ll be starting my exercise routine again on Monday. I just really needed some time off. And what do you know? Seems my body decided to reset after all!

Days 82-91: Mental Health Break

USB Zen Garden*raises a hand* I feel a bit guilty in making this post. Not because I haven’t worked out in about a week (in a structured program – believe me, cleaning my room this past week has been a physical workout!), but because I haven’t blogged about it. I HAVE been eating pretty well, so thumbs up for that. But I just haven’t had the urge to blog about…well, what I AM doing. It’s just that when I got done with all the things I needed to do, I usually haven’t had a lot of time for just sitting down and blogging. I have really been tackling cleaning the apartment so I can FINALLY move out of here, I’ve had school work to do, I raid at night…not to mention I’m the one who does most of the cooking and shopping.

I should be doing better than I am. I should be going to bed earlier so I can wake up earlier and get things done before raid time. I should want to get up and do my workout first thing in the morning, get a shower, and be able to go to the store or even just go out to dinner if I want to. I haven’t been doing these things.

But you know what? I’m finally feeling  real happiness.

I credit my workouts for this feeling. Sure, I haven’t lost a lot of weight, but my body has been changing in a positive manner. I’m wearing those size 10 jeans pretty comfortably now. Sure, they’re older jeans which means they’ve been stretched from previous wear, and I shouldn’t think about going out and buying a new pair of 10’s right now. But I wasn’t able to fit into them before. The fact that I can now means a lot to me. It’s a sense of true accomplishment.

So instead of worrying about a workout this past week (my heart rate monitor has been yelling at me for a while now to take a recovery week) I focused on other things to improve myself. Again, things like cleaning my room. I actually have FLOOR SPACE in here, and once I shelve/box the stacks of books I still have left on the floor (I have a LOT of books), I’ll be able to do my workouts in my room instead of in the hallway in front of the laundry area. Less clutter just makes my room feel better. It allows for a better energy flow. I like being in my room right now. My bed feels inviting, but no longer that place I want to retreat to when I want to hide from the world.

This also makes me want to finish my homework early and get it out of the way. I like not cramming out papers a half hour before they’re due. Or how about planning dinner? I like looking up new things to try to make.

In short, yeah, I’ve been taking a break from the exercise for now. It’s never far from my mind, and it’s not a case where I plan to do it and then just don’t for one reason or another. This break is intentional. I’m taking care of things that make me feel good about accomplishing them, which makes me want to accomplish more.

So sure, I feel a bit guilty about not posting, but I don’t feel too bad considering that time is being used to better myself in other ways.

After all, that’s part of the process of getting healthy: Getting in shape isn’t just about training my body and losing weight. It’s about getting healthier mentally and emotionally as well.

Days 80 and 81 – “July with Jillian” days 2 and 3

100% DedicationI got caught up in a raid last night, and then STILL needed dinner, and the next thing I knew it was bedtime and I had forgotten to post.

So the first day of the Shred was pretty brutal. I think my body was adjusting to the exact movements. But I wasn’t sore the next day. I DID push myself pretty hard, but no noticeable delayed onset muscle soreness. So yesterday and today I pushed myself harder. I’m still trying to find the right ways to adjust and modify for my fitness level and for being in an apartment. That means no high bouncing for the jump rope sets, although I’m pretty good at keeping my landings soft for the jumping jacks. Usually I’m using my 5 pound weights, but I’ve found my shoulders are weak in certain directions. I need heavier weights for the chest flys, but lighter for the forward raises (with the side lunges). I am doing my push-ups on my toes, though. It helps that we get that set over with first.

I’m enjoying it so far, and there are only a few points where I don’t transition as fast as I should. But I’m still huffing and puffing and working up a sweat by the time it’s over. I don’t know if I’ll actually be “shredded” by the end of July, but I’m always looking forward to beating a challenge. Knowing that there’s an end to this challenge helps me do it every day.

Short post today, I know…I need a shower. Told you I worked up a sweat!