Day 61 – Why I do this
When I started, I did it because I didn’t want to be “the token fat bridesmaid” at K’s wedding. I did it because I wanted my friends and guildies who saw me last year at Blizzcon to do double-takes when they see me this year. I did it because I want people at Blizzcon to look at me and know I played a Blood Elf. I did it because I wanted to look a certain way to others…so my physical appearance matched what they probably thought I looked like.
I did it because I hated the way I looked in the mirror. I did it because I hated the way my clothes fit. I did it because I was embarrassed about that muffin-top peaking over the waistband of my jeans. I did it because I was afraid our friends that come up for Ren Faire would give me “That Look” (the wife is a Weight Watchers leader) when we went to dinner if I didn’t order a salad.
In short, I did it for other people. I did it for their opinion of me. I did it to impress them.
Now I do it for myself. I do it because I see the improvements I’m making, and it motivates me to go further. I do it because I marvel at seeing my tricep when I extend my arm. I do it because I see my thighs are getting smaller, and I’m proud that I’m doing it the right way.
I do it because I look forward to putting on my smaller clothing. I do it because I can’t stop flexing muscles in the mirror…muscles I never had really seen before. I do it because of that red bikini that I can’t wait to wear.
I do it because of that good feeling I have when I KNOW I pushed out a workout that I didn’t think I had in me when I got up in the morning. I do it because I’m proud of being able to lift more weight or squat down further or, as I did today, graduating from on-your-knees push-ups to on-your-toes push-ups.
I do it because healthy food can taste really good. I do it because I can have a vanilla or chocolate protein shake at night, feel like I’m cheating or getting away with something, but really I’m doing my body good.
It’s no longer about impressing others. It’s about pushing myself beyond my own limits, and that amazing feeling when I accomplish something I’ve never done before. Quite honestly, I’m impressing myself. Fuck what others think. They can be jealous or envious, they can drool when they see me at Blizzcon, they might even get motivated. I would love to help the latter, but I discovered that until they are willing to do it for THEMSELVES there is only so much I can do to help.
The weight might be coming off slowly, but I know the hard work I’m doing is going to instill good habits to KEEP it off.
As for yesterday….
Another schoolwork day. But it was the last day of that damn class, so I think I got this under control! I started with a decent breakfast instead of not eating until I realized it was dinner time.
1/2 cup steel-cut oats (with 1 tbsp maple syrup and some brown sugar)
2 pieces turkey bacon
1 scoop fruit punch flavored protein powder
1/2 cup Diet V-8 splash
3 oz. baby carrots
2 tbsp hummus
6 oz. low sodium V-8
Steak – I’m guessing 4 oz?
2 c baby spinach
1/4 bell pepper
1/8 c shredded low-fat cheddar
1 tbsp Caesar dressing
Water: Totally should have had more, but got tunnel-visioned on my final project.